So it finally happened. It got me. I thought I'd maybe escape it, but after almost two years, it snuck up and slammed me... the absolute frustration of another lockdown and seasick ride on this latest wave of the pandemic.
Pre-Covid, there'd be many times when I'd be working long hours and not step out of the house for over a week - my only lifeline being the phone and internet - so it's no surprise it took me this long to finally feel the isolation and exhaustion of dealing with this pandemic.
Don't get me wrong, I understand why most of the restrictions needed to take place, but I think getting that slight sweet taste of optimism this past fall that we were slowly heading towards better times was pummeled with a bitterness of yet another variant and shutdowns again in the new year. Naivety maybe, but aside from the usual stresses, for me it was supposed to be a new year pinned with hopes of finally again attending tradeshows that had been virtual the last two years, going to lunch more often with friends and clients, and even meeting new people. (So much for my new year's resolutions with the last two.)
Feeling like a little girl whose toys just got taken away in spite of good behaviour, the first few weeks of 2022 had been loudly quiet, and I was sulky. The one solace... I knew I wasn't alone in my disappointment and frustration.
No doubt this pandemic has had an impact on all of our lives. By now we're all experiencing Covid fatigue in some form or another. For some it lingers on, while others feel it sporadically. And then there are those who've experienced a lot more than fatigue, as loss continues to rear its ugly head in various forms. We all know what they've been. While there have been some good things coming out of all this, Covid has exposed and magnified vulnerabilities and changed expected outcomes for many of us in our lives, including me.
One day recently, this grim reminder kind of caught me at crossroads - to go further down a deep hole of pain and fear or get back on track with keeping things in perspective. Although it's a struggle some days, I chose the latter.
It's not always an easy thing to practice, especially when I'm upset and overwhelmed, but for me, expressing gratitude was a necessary start. Two years in I've still got a roof over my head, food to eat, and everyone I love and care about is safe and healthy. Knowing that not everyone can say the same, dare I ask for more?
We get so tangled up in our own problems we forget that others are hurting too. Being present for them and allowing them to vocalize their pain can not only help lighten their burden, but may also help release the chokehold of our own anxiety, as we realize we're not alone in this struggle.
Also, in this ever evolving universe, knowing that all of what we're going through right now is a temporary blip in the grand scope of our lives oddly does bring a sense of comfort, even though it sometimes feels like we've been in this thing for an eon. I do admit, I'm still healing from some loss I experienced pre-Covid, and this pandemic has unfortunately slowed my progress. Seeing as I can't press fast forward, looking back instead and remembering all that I've had to endure and overcome over the past many decades does help. Coming full circle, no doubt one day in the future we will need to draw from the strength, patience, and resilience we've acquired during these strange times.
Meantime, keep listening, keep talking, keep loving, and keep perspective on what really matters in life... even after things start to open up again.